When Rick and I were engaged we met with our pastor in preparation for our wedding day. I don’t think I took these counseling sessions very seriously. I was ready to get married and this just seemed to be one of the required steps that we were obligated to take in order to seal the deal. However there is one thing I clearly remember from those sessions. The pastor asked each of us what we loved about each other.
Why in the world would he ask us that? We were engaged – obviously we loved each other and why would we want to discuss it with a stranger. (The head pastor was not available to marry us so this was an associate pastor that Rick and I didn’t really connect with). Anyway, I honestly struggled with my answer. I loved Rick but looking back I think at the time I was more in love with the idea of getting married. I was so focused on my goal of finding a soul mate that I really had not considered what I truly loved about him.
Can you just know that you love someone and not be able to articulate it? Or did I just need to take the TYM to organize my thoughts. I’ve written in other posts about the difficulty we both had in verbally expressing our love for each other. I express my thoughts so much better in writing.
About a month before Rick’s accident, Terry, a good friend and neighbor passed away at age 51 leaving my friend Amy a widow and her four boys without their dad. Rick and I were at a wedding when we got the news and we just held each other grieving for a life that was taken to soon, I have often thought about funerals and how loved ones come together to share with the grieving family how their loved one touched their life. I’ve always been curious about what friends and family would say about me at my funeral. After Terry’s funeral, I made a promise to myself that I would work on sharing with those that I love what I love about them. I even wrote it in my planner.
I actually wrote down that I would write an obituary. My intent was to write a mock eulogy as a way to fully express to Rick what I loved about him. This is one thing on my long “To Do” list that I didn’t accomplish by the deadline. Of course I had NO idea my deadline would be just a few weeks away.
When I wrote Rick’s eulogy the words flowed easily and with my thoughts on paper, I was able to verbally share my love for him at the funeral with confidence and conviction.
So 27 years later, I can answer my pastor’s question. It took me long enough and I have shared with friends my fear that Rick didn’t know how much I loved him. They have all assured me that he knows. I am learning to trust that he indeed does know and this helps sustain me when I am overcome with grief.
