We have all seen the toddler learning to exert their independence and declaring, “I do it myself!” I remember being so sad when, at age 4, Annika decided she was old enough to pick out her own outfits. Thankfully, she has great style so it was easier for me to let go.
My toddler days are long gone but I am often still stuck in that mentality. Despite the sense of accomplishment I feel in doing something on my own, my motivation is driven more by my reluctance to ask someone to invest their time, talent, or resources in me. I suppose I don’t feel worthy.
I do love it when someone helps me. My love language is acts of service. Two of the most memorable gifts I ever received were acts of service. When Annika was born, my friend Susie showed up with dinner when she came over to meet my new bundle of joy. Years later, she came over and cleaned my home for me when I was preparing for out of town guests for Rick’s funeral. Over the years, Susie and I have exchanged a number of gifts. She is very generous but these two non-monetary gifts are the ones that resonate most with me.
The other night at my women’s Bible study, I was sharing my feelings of being overwhelmed with the weight of my sins and my lack of discipline to do better. One of the women suggested that I ask God to help me with this struggle. It seems so simple, but it was quite an aha moment for me. I’ve had many aha moments with this group of women who are all young enough to be my daughters.
At work I also struggled with asking for help. Even though I was the Director with several direct reports and a large team, delegating was always a challenge for me. I certainly had the authority – the obligation really – but assigning work often made me uncomfortable and certainly impacted my effectiveness.
Knowing how much I value and enjoy helping others is a good reminder. I love it when someone has asked me to mentor them, or provide advice, or to show them how to do something. When I’m hesitant to ask for a favor or ask for help, I think about this joy and it provides the incentive I need to reach out.
By doing so, I’ve mastered some challenging knitting projects, I’ve discovered some great books to help me in my faith journey, received expert advice when I was contemplating the purchase of a business, and I navigated a legal issue to a positive outcome. I’ve even sought out editorial help with my writing!
Yet, it still takes practice. Asking God for his help every day is the perfect first step. Because life is too hard to do by myself.