As I navigate the pain of losing Rick, I have engaged in a number of “therapeutic” activities to help me cope with my new reality. I will say upfront, I know there is nothing I can do to get “over” my loss or to be “cured” of this horrible feeling of grief and loneliness. Nothing will ever bring him back; but life goes on, and I am searching in earnest for ways to bring joy to my life without him.
The obvious therapy is of course seeing a therapist. At first I was reluctant. Even though I was already on meds for depression, I didn’t think I really needed a professional to help me. After I had trouble focusing at work, I saw my regular physician and he gave me a referral to a faith based counselor. I met with “Liz” about 4 times and she gave me a great book to read. Mostly she listened. At our last session, she told me she could see progress in my coping. This was mostly in my ability to extend grace to Rick’s friend and former boss. (see my earlier post re: “Why Make Tym”) I have invited him and others from my wedding party to my first party at my new home to honor Rick and to celebrate my 26th wedding anniversary. I am glad I took the TYM to see her.
Back to my point about joy. There are so many things in life that bring me joy and I have been indulging in my top two…wine and shopping.
Anyone that knows me know that I love my wine, especially after my trip to Napa and Sonoma last year. I’m a red girl..red sangria, pinot noir, cabernet, shiraz, zins, merlot, blends… Hell, I’ll even drink white if that is the only option! When I joined weight watchers back in March, I cut way back on my wine intake…because points! It helped in my ability to lose 40 pounds. But then tragedy struck and I have to admit, drinking a few glasses of wine at the end of the day really dulls the pain. I’m not concerned about becoming addicted, but my new neighbor that sees my recycle bag each week might be wondering about the numerous empty bottles in my trash. To my defense, I’ve had some girlfriends visit since moving in to my new place. They like wine too! I’ll get to my girlfriends at the end.
So lets talk shopping. I love to buy things. Nice clothes, nice furniture, books, stationary, kitchen gadgets, jewelry, wine, etc! Now this might be an actual addiction I have. Between the life insurance and the good salary I have worked towards for 30 years, I am fortunate to have the means to indulge in the finer things that bring me joy. Most recently, I purchased a fabulous condo in a building with great amenities, amazing views, no yard work and a short commute to work. I met with a design team yesterday to discuss major renovations that will but the cherry on the top. When all is said and done it will be my dream home without being a guest on HGTV. It may sound like I am boasting – really, I am not. Last night, despite thinking about how fabulous my new place is and will be, I cried myself to sleep. I miss Rick so much. It is nice to have a comfortable lifestyle and a beautiful place to live; however, it doesn’t mean as much when the love of my life is not here to enjoy it with me. I would not hesitate to give it up in order to have Rick back.
After moving (so MUCH WORK) I should know better than to spend so much time and money shopping after numerous trips to goodwill. But…on-line shopping!!! Oh my, it is so easy and convenient. At my new place, packages are delivered to my back door and when I put the empty boxes outside the same door, the box fairy comes and takes them away. Now I AM bragging. I really love the convenience of city life.
So let’s talk girlfriends. Next to finding a partner for life, there is nothing better and I am so very blessed to have girlfriends that truly sustain me and lift me up everyday. I’ll start with my daughter Annika. She is my best friend in the world and a part of Rick that I still have. (Erik: I love you equally but you are “all boy”). Annika, you get me and I know you and I share a similar pain in losing dad. I am so happy that you have found love in your life and my hope is that dad and I have modeled for you what true love means.
My besties. Susie and Kelly. (Love you too Mitch and Andrew) These two have been by my side through the best and worst of times. They were with my when Rick took his last breath and they were the first visitors at my new home. Actually, they helped me pick it out! There are just to many precious moments to mention. These two are such a blessing in my life I cannot adequately describe how much they mean to me.
My sorority sisters. Between girl weekends, private messages, cards and text messages, these ladies are constantly looking out for me and encouraging and consoling me. And now I live close to a couple of AOIIs that I have not seen in a while! ALAM.
My Gates Creek peeps. Amy and Tammy especially know what I am going through. They are going through the same pain. All the girls from the hood have been amazing and I hope they know that leaving my home in Oswego was especially hard because of all of them. I want to give a special shout out to Liz. From speaking at Rick’s funeral, to getting my mail, to helping me pack and to being there to direct the movers while I was at closing…you are the epitome of a good neighbor and good friend. I will miss being able to walk across the street to sit in your kitchen and chat. I love you so so much.
My friends at work. If I try to name you all I am afraid I will leave someone out. But Alan, although you are definitely a male, you get me like my girlfriends do and I value our friendship so much. You mean more to me than I will ever be able to articulate. And Lisa, we share a first day at work: 9-27-87 and we have so many great memories that we have shared. Thanks for the great talk at lunch today. Vista and Christine, I hope you know how much I love you and enjoy having you on my team at work.
There are so many other friends to mention. Thanksgiving was fun running and drinking champagne with my fellow football mom and realtor Rebecca and my college friend Mary and my Girl scout friend Gina. I can’t wait to see my friend Francine – also a connection through Girl Scouts.
Therapy — It’s good for the soul. But the best therapy in my opinion is my girlfriends. Thank you ladies, and Alan for being there for me.