It’s my last full day of vacation and I woke up not ready to face the day. I skipped breakfast and snoozed for another hour. You would think it was a work day and not another day in paradise. Once up, I headed to the beach, covered up to protect myself from more sunburn. I spent time reflecting and journaling.
At lunch, I picked a pizza place thinking a calzone sounded good. But then I considered a burger and then thought about all the authentic Thai food to choose from. Francine asked what I wanted to do today and I had no idea. I didn’t want to be in the sun; it was probably to late to book a tour; I didn’t need to do any more shopping. Crap, I can’t even decide what to eat for lunch.
I returned to the room, not wanting to waste my day in paradise but paralyzed in a state of indecision. I came on this trip with expectations of healing and right now I feel as broken as ever and crave the comfort of home.
I start asking myself, why can I make major decisions with ease and the simple ones throw me into a tailspin? Is this part of not knowing what I truly want in life? Is it related to my inability to ask others for help or a preference to have a partner that will make decisions for the both of us so I don’t have to. And being the control freak I am, I know that I don’t truly want that. Maybe what I want is someone in my life that knows me enough to carry me when I can’t do it alone. I want the confidence to say what I want and that starts with knowing what I want.
I continued to reflect on my self doubt and my quest to forgive and love myself. I prayed for confidence, for patience, for trust, and for the ability to surrender control. I pray that I can open my heart to others that are trying to help me if I will just let them.
Meanwhile, what did I do today? I listened to last Sunday’s sermon from church; I napped; I found a shady spot by the rooftop pool bar and I ate, drank and wrote. Writing has been my lifeline since Rick died and on a day in paradise when my choices were unlimited, I chose to write. And it was a great decision.
Very healthy thought and a interdependent desire:
” I want is someone in my life that knows me enough to carry me when I can’t do it alone.”
The following statement, summed up, say, “I pray for healing:”
“I continued to reflect on my self doubt and my quest to forgive and love myself. I prayed for confidence, for patience, for trust, and for the ability to surrender control. I pray that I can open my heart to others that are trying to help me if I will just let them.”
LOVING SUGGESTION FOR YOUR HEALING JOURNEY
When our prayers regard symptoms such as these, we aren’t focusing our prayers for greatest impact.
Self doubt
Forgive self
Confidence
Patience
Trust
Control
An open heart
Humility
Pray for healing from the inside-out and all the symptoms will go away automatically. As one who has loved up close and from a distance, my prayer for you is peace so that your spiritual eyes are opened to the blessed future that you cannot see right now.
Linda
Thank you my dear friend. xoxo