At work today I was asked about my plans for New Years Eve. When I shared that I would be alone, colleagues expressed the joys of having alone time. Yes, alone time is good but not when you are lonely.
As I left work, I was fighting back the tears thinking of how much I miss both Rick and Walter. I stopped at Mariano’s and bought myself some flowers, my favorite wine and some of my favorite snacks. At home, I pick out some romantic comedy’s on Netflix that will make it impossible to fight the tears much longer.
And I write. It’s my lifeline when I have time and it’ a healthy outlet to process the myriad of emotions I feel. Although I am drinking that bottle of wine – a less healthy outlet. Do the two cancel each other out? Speaking of writing…I can’t wait to fill the writing prompt journal that I got for Christmas. Thanks Hannah!
I’ve done a lot of reading*, journaling and reflecting since the break-up. My therapist and my friends have given me a lot to think about. And since it’s the time of year for resolutions, I might as well write about my goals for 2020; an evolution of Julie v. 2.
- Deal with my fear of being alone
- Read more
- Launch Make Them Yummy Meals
- Travel to Asia
- Write
- Establish better boundaries
- Buy a lake home
- Dance at my daughter’s wedding
- Continue working on my health goals
- Keep my Christmas tree up all year – because it brings me such joy
Ten goals are a good and realistic number to focus on. There is one big one that I am keeping a secret for now. Some of them will be harder than others – obviously! Mostly I will focus on the first goal. A year from now I want to embrace being alone and not be afraid of it.
As I look at my friend Francine’s New Year’s post (she is 12 hours ahead), I think she summed it up well. She says, “Visit new places, take a new road on your journey, talk to new people, open your heart to those who need a little kindness, leave the anger and fear in the past and breathe in gratitude for the New Year! There is always a new day to see the sunshine and be the change you wish to see with a smile! Namaste”.
Francine is one of my mentors and closest friends. She has experienced a lot of adversity in life and her integrity, courage and strength inspire me as I work on loving myself. We met on a Girl Scout trip in Europe in 2012. In 2020, Julie version 2 and Francine will be taking on Asia and I just know it will be the trip of a lifetime.
The flowers look beautiful in my kitchen; the wine and snacks are mostly gone; I had a good healing ugly cry and spent the last few hours of 2019 tucked in my cozy bed alone with my dreams of the future.
May the new year bring a new happy.
*I highly recommend “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by Lori Gottileb
Deep breath. Looooong sigh… It will be an honor standing by you through the journey.
I’m so thankful for your love and friendship