It’s been 6 months since you took your last breath.
We spent your birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years day without you. In the next 6 months we will spend Valentines Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Mother’s day and Father’s day, the 4th of July, Erik’s 21st birthday, Annika’s 23rd birthday and my 54th birthday without you. I will spend the 26th Anniversary of our wedding day without you.
You were not here to see Erik start in a Division 1 collegiate football game. (He did great!) You were not here to see Annika’s new home. (It is SO cute!) You were not here to meet our precious grandpup Pumpkin. (I call her Calabaza.) You were not here to toast the Craig’s in their new home with the Besties. (We toasted you.) In the next 6 months you will not be here for Cubs opening day. (And we can walk!) You will not be here for my first cocktail party in Chicago. (Actually, you would not be thrilled that it is black tie optional.)
In another 6 months we will hit the one year mark and we will start over again. Another holiday, another birthday, another big event without you. I doubt it will get any easier. We will celebrate marriages and babies without you. (No pressure Annika and Erik). We will vacation in Hawaii…and take your ashes. It’s about time you get to fly free after so many vacations there. I will retire, without you.
Yet, you are here. You are ingrained on our hearts and your wonderful spirit is alive, leaving signs to let us know you are not far. Like speaking to us through a medium, and the hawks in our yard, and the receipt in my laundry basket. Like playing this song when we celebrated Erik’s game and when he and Alice went to the Bristol Tap on your birthday and when Annika and I were returning from Spain.
Of course we want you to be physically here with us and that is what we grieve. Your physical absence is a reality we don’t want to accept. We want to see the joy on your face and we want to hear your incredible laugh. I want you to hold me in your arms and tell me I’m going to be happy again.
Like the day we married and the day our children were born and the Christmas mornings when the kids opened their gifts from Santa with such delight. Like the day Annika graduated from college and the day Erik signed to play college football. Like the time we spent in San Francisco with our Besties. Like the times we vacationed in Hawaii. (Except the trip where Erik bailed on us.) These are just a few of the memories we hold dear. And although we do not need pictures to remind us of these good times, we cherish the pictures we have and find comfort in looking at them over and over and over again.
It’s been 6 months since you were here.
