Last night I spent some time with my new neighbors Ann and Michael. They are a lovely couple, also new to the building having relocated from California. They have have a beautiful art collection, love the Cubs, lean left politically and have excellent taste in wine. I see many great times ahead as this friendship continues to grow.
We shared an amazing bottle of Cabernet as we discussed a decorating plan for our shared foyer and we ordered nameplates for our doors. Ann referred me to a fabulous hairdresser that knows just how to make women over 50 look fabulous and as I left she agreed to look out for packages by my back door while I’m away on business.
Back in my apartment, I settled in with one more glass of wine and feeling on a roll with making new connections, I started scoping out some dating web sites. WHAT? Oh Boy. I blame it on my colleague who lost her husband a month after Rick passed. She planted the idea earlier in the day when we were stair climbing on a work break.
I didn’t post any pictures or create a profile. I was just looking. Like I respond to the sales clerks offering their assistance in a fancy store where I cannot afford the merchandise… “No thank you…I’m just looking”
I checked out a few profiles and while a few were interesting, none resonated with me even a little. I started to imagine meeting someone for coffee, going to a show, starting anew in establishing a relationship and it scared the hell out of me. If I decide I’m not interested how do I bow out gracefully? If I am interested and he is not, how do I deal with the rejection? Is there someone out there that can come close to the man I loved for 27 years?
I panicked. Undo! Unsubscribe! That didn’t work. This isn’t an online retailer Julie!
Of course the internet has a way of sending you down a rabbit hole and I soon got emails with “More Matches are ready for your review” and referrals to articles like “Top Ten Dating Mistakes to Avoid”. I feel like I started down a path that I can’t undo. There is no rewind button when it comes to death.
But I can press pause. I need to Maketym for so many things as I settle in to my new home. I’m in the midst of a remodel and redecorating project and I’m planning a black tie affair for my wedding anniversary. Then I can pick up on the many quilting and scrapbook and stamping projects that I’ve put on hold. I have web design and writing classes to take, concerts and sporting events to attend, reunions to plan. And lots of new wine to try. Meanwhile, I’m just looking.
