Look for a message on Monday

Monday’s are not a favorite of mine and today was no exception.  After a lonely 3 day weekend, I was in full depression mode when I woke up.  I cancelled my 9 am and went back to bed.  After an hour of tossing and turning and feeling guilty about the other meetings on my calendar I finally got up and dragged myself to work.  As I was getting on the elevator at the office I noticed a yellow slip of paper on the ground.  It said “Look for a message on Monday”.

Hmmm.  I’m always looking for signs and since I went to such a great effort to go to work, I immediately thought that message was meant just for me.

It was a pretty busy day filled with meetings and catching up with staff that I had not connected with in weeks.  Still, my mind kept wandering back to the note.  I thought about my home and the five showings on Sunday.  Maybe my realtor was working up an offer!  I texted her and she said she was in training all day but planned to follow up on all the showings.

So that got me stressing about my renovation project and wondering how I will pay for it without the equity from my home.  And then I started stressing about the color of the cuddle chair for my living room.  Do I really want sage?  I wish it came in navy blue.  And will the benches in my dining room be the same height as a chair?  I frantically texted my decorator who probably thinks I’m crazy.

Get back to work Julie.  You have a million messages to tend to.  One from LinkedIn is intriguing.  McDonalds is looking for a Government Relations Manager.  I read the qualifications and it sounds perfect.  And my brother can put in a good word for me.  Is this the message?  With two years to go till I get my government pension and health benefits for life, this can’t be it.  The timing is off.

So while I’m on LinkedIn I see a page full of suggested contacts and I take a few minutes to review suggested connections.  I see several several colleagues and associates that I am familiar with.  Then I see him.  LInkedIn thinks I should connect with an ex boyfriend from college.  It is tempting – He is still handsome and I understand from Facebook that he is single.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  If he wants to contact me he can find me.

At 5:15 I call it quits for the day and head to Target for some dish soap and groceries.  Rick would be appalled to know there is a sink full of dirty dishes.  I pass a lady carrying a rolled up carpet that looks just like the pattern I picked out with my designer.   I make a mental note to share this information with my designer and then head to the grocery section looking for a rotisserie chicken and then it hits me.  WTF!  You are in Target, not a full service grocery store.

So I head home and pick up the mail.  Included is an envelope from my attorney.  This is it, I think.  I am finally getting the workman’s comp settlement and I can rest easy about the house selling.  Nope.  Just a request to fill out paperwork authorizing the workman’s comp attorneys to access Rick’s health records. Really?  It took you 23 weeks to ask?

Off to the grocery store I go because I really want chicken noodle soup and I need that rotisserie chicken.  The trip is uneventful – no “messages”.   While eating I watch the Bachelor.  That was a waste of an hour of my life.  After I eat I get a Facebook message from a dear friend  I met in Europe.  At first I think she has been hacked since I got a strange message earlier from another friend.  Turns out the message is legitimate and I learn that my friend is dealing with some serious stress in her life.

Maybe that is the message.  Maybe I need to get over myself.  Stop feeling sorry for myself.  Everyone is dealing with shit.  Lost jobs, unfair treatment, health problems.  Not that losing my husband isn’t way up there on the list of top stressors  – but it happened and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  My reality now is that I am a single empty nester.  I hate that.  I absolutely hate it.

So all day I have been searching for a message.  Something to make me feel as though I’m not losing my mind.  Something that will bring me hope.  The kind of hope that will help me spring out of bed at the sound of the alarm, ready to face my day regardless of what day it is.  If might take me a while.  After all, after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says “WTF”!