All by my selfie

I am a classic introvert.  I get my energy from being alone – it gives me time to recharge my battery.  Those that work with me know that I can spend my entire day in my office.  I would rather write an email instead of making a phone call.   Others are surprised by this because I also enjoy a large social network and when I am caught up on work and household responsibilities I love a great party or outing with others.

For an introvert, living alone has it’s perks.  I eat whatever and whenever I want.  I have total control of the remote and there is no compromising on how to decorate.  I can hog the covers and I can sleep peacefully without hearing my partner’s snoring.

I’ve had the perfect weekend by my selfie.  I treated my self to an hour massage on Thursday night; On Friday I had a great  lunch date with a dear friend; I had an amazing meal and margarita at my favorite Mexican restaurant after work; and I caught up with a high school friend of Rick’s who called to check in on me.  He convinced me to give a dating service a chance and I spent the rest of my evening filling out my profile.  On Saturday I shopped for some new glasses and splurged by purchasing two pair – I couldn’t decide.  I spent the afternoon at the nail salon getting pampered and picked up my favorite Chicago pizza which I enjoyed at home with some Yuengling – Rick’s and my favorite beer.  I watched The Greatest Showman twice.  It was that good.

As I was watching the movie the first time, I was so moved by the music I started crying.  I haven’t cried in a while and the floodgates opened wide.  So wide I was soon drowning in my sorrow.  Nine months into my grief I have been keeping busy and working hard to find a new normal in my life.  I’ve been so focused on moving forward that I suppose I have pushed my grief aside.  I’ve been avoiding certain people and certain triggers.  I’ve been stressed by my renovation and yet another failed contract on the sale of my Oswego home.  I’ve been treading water in a stormy sea.  It felt good to cry and it prompted me to pull out the hundreds of condolence cards I received.  I had been meaning to do this and re-reading the notes brought me comfort as I rewatched the movie a second time with less tears.

Being a night owl, I wasn’t ready to turn in just yet.  I looked at a message I received on eHarmony from a nice looking man my age and I sent a note back.  I played some scrabble, closed my blinds, turned off all my alarms and drifted off to 11 hours of sweet slumber.

So on this dreary Sunday I am listening to the Greatest Showman soundtrack as I blog in my PJ’s and eating popcorn for lunch.  I’m continuing my conversation with my match  and I’m catching up with my kids on a three way call.  This is not the life I imagined for myself.   I am all by my selfie but I am happy.