Month: May 2018

I will (always) remember you

Posted on by Julie in memories, Uncategorized

It’s almost Memorial day, a time to remember the fallen; the brave men and women that sacrificed their lives defending our freedom.  My own personal connection to a fallen soldier is David Fisher, a relative on my mom’s side who died in 1968 at age 21 during the Vietnam war.  I was only 4 years old and never met him, but having lost Rick means I am better able to empathize with others who have lost a family member.  Whether our loved one died a hero defending our country or from cancer or from an accident, the loss is painful, numbing and sad.

This Memorial day, I will remember the fallen, but mostly I will remember Rick.  As I approach one year without him I have been thinking about so many sweet memories of our life together.  As I have started to date and create new memories with my friends I think about how this will impact those memories of Rick.  Does the passage of time make the memories foggier?  Does creating new memories mean I am dismissing or tossing those memories aside?  No way.

I remember a pastor of mine equating the love in our heart to a pie that can be cut into multiple pieces.  He talked about how having a second child does not take away or diminish the love you have for your first child; it’s just another piece of the pie.  Each piece of the pie is the same and you love each piece equally, no matter how many pieces there are.  And just like there is enough love in one’s heart for many family and friends, I believe there is plenty of space in my heart for memories.  Adding new memories will never take away the fond memories already stored.  I just might need to bake a bigger pie.

Rick still leaves me little signs to let me know he is with me.  This weekend I hosted 3 of my sorority sisters and we had an amazing time together walking along the lake, shopping, dining and dancing till the wee hours of the morning.  At 6 am this morning I awoke to a swat on the right side of my butt and it was not my girlfriend Sue who was sound asleep to my left on the other side of the bed.  I’d like to think it was Rick teasing me about something I will leave between him and I.  But It’s also his way of letting me know that he approves of the people I am meeting and the changes I am making in this next chapter of my life.  I think he sees how happy I am.  He also sees that not every day is a happy one but the good outnumber the bad.

Tomorrow I will make one last visit to our Oswego home and I will leave some of his ashes in a few strategic places.  Memorial Day seems to be the perfect day to reflect on the great memories we made on Arbor Lane and to leave a piece of him there forever while burying the memories of him deeper into my soul to make room for some new ones.

 

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day

Posted on by Julie in Friends

The greatest joy in life is friendship.  I am so blessed to have a large Tribe that has my back. My friends are especially important to me after losing my best friend Rick 10 months ago.

With Mother’s Day approaching it’s only appropriate to tell you about two friends in my life that are a constant, my very best friends, my children.  Every parenting book will tell you that you should not be your child’s friend.  But that doesn’t apply when they are adults, right?  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

My children are both adults and having adult children is great.  We can experience things on more of a peer level and as all three of us become more educated our discussions follow suit. Our humor and ability to laugh also seems to improve with age.

I’ll start with Erik.  He calls me several times a day.  He is sometimes the only person I talk to on a given day.  I’ve never been good at making phone calls.  Just ask my mom.  I don’t even call her very often.  But Erik has stepped up as the man of the family and it really is nice to hear his voice every day, checking on me to be sure all is well.  (Sometimes he is calling for money, but he doesn’t start the conversation with that!)  He also comes home almost every weekend.  I do realize it might be more about his friends and the fun things to do in Chicago, but still.  Now that I am living alone it is so nice to have him and his friends around.

Erik and I share a love of shopping, football, and cooking.  Well, eating might be the real love.   We have been having fun discovering new places to dine in Chicago.  On St. Patrick’s Day we had a fun night dancing.  I can thank his Godmother for teaching him to dance.  (”Just move your shoulders”) and ever since that night I’ve been asking him when he is going to ask that cute nursing student for a date.  Hey, sometimes we need a little help from our friends.

My daughter Annika is not only my favorite travel companion, our shared interests in sushi, 5K’s, sangria, pineapples, and Netflix means we always have something fun to do when we are together.  When she joined the same sorority as me our shared sisterhood gave us another opportunity to share something we both value.

Annika and I are both quiet and we have a common talent in communicating well in writing. I love getting letters from her and we share a journal that we pass back and forth.  When we are together we really enjoy each other’s company, whether we are drinking Sangria in the south of Spain or watching This is Us and crying over our similar loss.

Our relationships with each other definitely changed with the death of their father.  As I have relied on my children to help me make decisions regarding the details of Rick’s funeral and the sale of our home, my children have been thrust into adult conversations that normally occur later in life. It’s like I have shifted some of my husband’s “friend” duties to them.  My closest friends are there for me in good times and in bad and my children are no exception.

Having these two in my life is my greatest blessing.  Over the past year I have dreaded certain holidays and I know Father’s Day will be bittersweet, particularly for Annika and Erik. But I am truly looking forward to this Mother’s day grilling steaks and drinking Sangria with my two best friends.

SWF seeks SM for LTR

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized

Being single at 53 and looking for the perfect man in 2018 is so complicated!

After being catfished right out of the gate, my radar is on high alert.  After I questioned Robert from the UK about using Marco Robinson’s pictures he split faster than an Olympic sprinter.  Next there was David from New Providence, PA.  When I insisted on facetiming to verify his identity he never responded.  The next day, eHarmony notified me that they had removed him from the site.  eHarmony also removed Mark from New York and AJ from Dallas just after we had exchanged introductory messages.

Yesterday I started a lovely conversation with Michael from Coral Springs.  After his profile disappeared he explained that he cancelled his membership after connecting with me.  He has no social media accounts since his attorney advised him to delete everything after being catfished.  Right.  He had several excuses for not being able to FaceTime.  Another one bites the dust.

I tried another app where identifies are verified.  Brad is obsessed with my foot photo on Instagram.  Not a very stimulating conversation.  Howard sent a funny gif and is now MIA.  Others have not reached out even though we both “swiped right”.  And to be clear, I am not on Tinder.

I’m taking a break from the on-line game for now.  Since I’m paid up for several months, my profile remains on line but it has been updated with a warning, using a few choice words.

I’ve gotten lots of advice from friends.  One suggested that  because I had so many wonderful years with Rick and because my grown children do not need a new father that I do not need to be dating.

A couple of friends have suggested looking for someone the old fashioned way.  Could I meet someone at church or at work?  I could take a dance class or cooking class.  Maybe there is someone in my building or someone who I see on the bus each day?  I guess this is possible but it seems like such a long shot and I would have to remove my wedding ring.

Yesterday I had a lovely conversation with Danita at my nail salon.  She shared her story of meeting her husband of one year.  After a 15 year marriage she was single for 13 years.  She prayed that she would meet a nice Christian man and she did.  He noticed her on the train each morning and one day when her train buddies were not with her they struck up a conversation and immediately connected.

Danita isn’t the only one who has encouraged me to pray.  My dear friend Susie reminds me every day that I need to pour my heart out to God.   I did just that last night.  Mostly I prayed for patience.  A virtue I do not have.  My prayers have helped bring clarity to what I want and what I might do moving forward.

Boy do I have ideas!  Stay tuned and I’ll share what God has planned for me.