It’s almost Memorial day, a time to remember the fallen; the brave men and women that sacrificed their lives defending our freedom. My own personal connection to a fallen soldier is David Fisher, a relative on my mom’s side who died in 1968 at age 21 during the Vietnam war. I was only 4 years old and never met him, but having lost Rick means I am better able to empathize with others who have lost a family member. Whether our loved one died a hero defending our country or from cancer or from an accident, the loss is painful, numbing and sad.
This Memorial day, I will remember the fallen, but mostly I will remember Rick. As I approach one year without him I have been thinking about so many sweet memories of our life together. As I have started to date and create new memories with my friends I think about how this will impact those memories of Rick. Does the passage of time make the memories foggier? Does creating new memories mean I am dismissing or tossing those memories aside? No way.
I remember a pastor of mine equating the love in our heart to a pie that can be cut into multiple pieces. He talked about how having a second child does not take away or diminish the love you have for your first child; it’s just another piece of the pie. Each piece of the pie is the same and you love each piece equally, no matter how many pieces there are. And just like there is enough love in one’s heart for many family and friends, I believe there is plenty of space in my heart for memories. Adding new memories will never take away the fond memories already stored. I just might need to bake a bigger pie.
Rick still leaves me little signs to let me know he is with me. This weekend I hosted 3 of my sorority sisters and we had an amazing time together walking along the lake, shopping, dining and dancing till the wee hours of the morning. At 6 am this morning I awoke to a swat on the right side of my butt and it was not my girlfriend Sue who was sound asleep to my left on the other side of the bed. I’d like to think it was Rick teasing me about something I will leave between him and I. But It’s also his way of letting me know that he approves of the people I am meeting and the changes I am making in this next chapter of my life. I think he sees how happy I am. He also sees that not every day is a happy one but the good outnumber the bad.
Tomorrow I will make one last visit to our Oswego home and I will leave some of his ashes in a few strategic places. Memorial Day seems to be the perfect day to reflect on the great memories we made on Arbor Lane and to leave a piece of him there forever while burying the memories of him deeper into my soul to make room for some new ones.
