In the seventeen months since Rick’s death I have been searching for my happy ending. I’ve been dating and have met someone special BUT distance and life issues mean the relationship is moving slower than I would like. I am taking care of myself and getting in shape and I feel beautiful BUT losing weight is so hard. I continue to decorate my dream home and enjoy entertaining in my new space BUT the loneliness is unbearable.
I have everything going for me; BUT I am not happy. In fact I am more depressed than ever. I’m sleeping too much and having crazy dreams. A week ago I dreamt I was I was pregnant and counted back 7 months to happily realize that Rick was the father and then woke up realizing not only am I to old; but it has been 17 months, not 7. It feels like 7 years.
How do you find JOY when the joy you knew for 25 years is gone?
Today in church, Andy talked about JOY and he talked about humility. He reminded me how humility – taking the focus off ourselves – can lead to JOY. He spelled it out this way: Put Jesus and Others before Yourself.
It’s actually simple and while I know that I won’t find joy from the perfect date, the greatest new outfit or even in my gorgeous dining room, that is where I have been looking.
So my goal over the next few weeks is to ask for Gods help in seeing others as more significant than myself and to look for ways to serve others. I really enjoy participating in acts of service so I don’t anticipate this being very hard. In fact, it is giving me something to look forward to – I might even wake up before the alarm tomorrow.
And I will continue to build my vision for Make Them Yummy Meals – a Maketym.org not for profit organization that I will form in 2019 and launch in 2020. It will be the beginning of my happy ending.
