Wake up

When our children were young, Rick and I attended Lord of Life, a small church that met in a school gymnasium. As a couple we participated in a small group bible study with several other young families. Our Friday night meetings were filled with great conversation, plenty of adult beverages, and time for us and our kids to establish incredible trusting friendships with other believers. What I got out of these Friday night gatherings was more about community than my relationship with God, and I didn’t want it to end. In fact, I remember at one of our meetings, one of our church leaders encouraged us to break out into new groups and not one of us stepped up to accept her challenge. I remember feeing bad, but this small group felt like family. I could not imagine leaving the group or even letting others in.

Eventually our small group stopped meeting, and the church disbanded. Rick and I attended another church for a while, but when the pastor moved to a new location we lost interest. We stopped attending, and I justified it thinking I didn’t need a church to have a relationship with God. Yet, I put my spiritual life on hold. I went from barely talking to God to not at all. I pushed the relationship aside.

Years later, I felt like a hypocrite, desperately praying at Rick’s bedside, praying that he would wake up from a coma. He didn’t wake up. But I was about to.

As I settled in to my new home and new neighborhood, I sought out a church community. I found Trinity church (called Destination at the time) after checking out several options.

When I signed up for my first small group, my vision for my non profit feeding ministry (Make Them Yummy Meals) was just forming. As we studied the “Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson, I remember the lesson on dreaming big and having a vision beyond your resources. It was a great reminder that God is greater than anything we can imagine and no request is to big. This is when I started praying to end world hunger – not just praying for the hungry on the streets of Chicago.

Reading “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” along with a dozen amazing women at Trinity was another powerful step in my faith journey. So many feels from this book – I could devote an entire post on it. At this point, my vision for Maketym is becoming clearer. I learn that beauty will come from my pain, and that God is making something amazing out of my life. I’m slowly waking up. Enough to pay attention to what God is telling me.

Then, after being asked to assist in leading Financial Peace University, I joyfully signed up – twice. I had no idea how much I needed this class. I wasn’t in debt, and I always successfully managed the household finances; and thanks to a long and rewarding career at USDA, I have plenty of resources to manage on one income. Except I had no savings. I spent all of the life insurance money on my dream home, and I had already forgotten the embarrassment of borrowing money from my parents when I was on furlough from work. What I have learned from this small group is also worthy of a separate post. Suffice it to say that six months later I have adequate savings and a plan to pay off my mortgage and retire so I can turn my attention to operating MakeTym.

Which leads me to the latest small group – The Creative Process. This is my jam! Since furnishing my craft room, I haven’t started any projects, and my head is spinning with the possibilities. The goal in this group is to focus on how I can glorify and worship God through creativity. I decide to put my vision to paper, creating a business plan and logo. As I write this, we are halfway through our curriculum, and a theme has emerged. After Heidi shared a nugget of wisdom from her collegiate work, the group keeps coming back to it. It’s about the process, not the product. Going through the creative process with this group of talented sisters and brothers in Christ has been such a highlight and blessing in my life this fall.

As I reflect on that first small group experience, it is clearer to me now. I was clinging to the sense of belonging and the comfort in familiarity. Losing Rick pushed me out of my comfort zone in so many ways. Through my experience in each of these small groups at Trinity, God is revealing to me how I can best use the talents and gifts HE has blessed me with. New friendships and new experiences are not so uncomfortable after all.

It’s incredible what happens when you wake up.