At work today I was asked about my plans for New Years Eve. When I shared that I would be alone, colleagues expressed the joys of having alone time. Yes, alone time is good but not when you are lonely.
As I left work, I was fighting back the tears thinking of how much I miss both Rick and Walter. I stopped at Mariano’s and bought myself some flowers, my favorite wine and some of my favorite snacks. At home, I pick out some romantic comedy’s on Netflix that will make it impossible to fight the tears much longer.
And I write. It’s my lifeline when I have time and it’ a healthy outlet to process the myriad of emotions I feel. Although I am drinking that bottle of wine – a less healthy outlet. Do the two cancel each other out? Speaking of writing…I can’t wait to fill the writing prompt journal that I got for Christmas. Thanks Hannah!
I’ve done a lot of reading*, journaling and reflecting since the break-up. My therapist and my friends have given me a lot to think about. And since it’s the time of year for resolutions, I might as well write about my goals for 2020; an evolution of Julie v. 2.
- Deal with my fear of being alone
- Read more
- Launch Make Them Yummy Meals
- Travel to Asia
- Write
- Establish better boundaries
- Buy a lake home
- Dance at my daughter’s wedding
- Continue working on my health goals
- Keep my Christmas tree up all year – because it brings me such joy
Ten goals are a good and realistic number to focus on. There is one big one that I am keeping a secret for now. Some of them will be harder than others – obviously! Mostly I will focus on the first goal. A year from now I want to embrace being alone and not be afraid of it.
As I look at my friend Francine’s New Year’s post (she is 12 hours ahead), I think she summed it up well. She says, “Visit new places, take a new road on your journey, talk to new people, open your heart to those who need a little kindness, leave the anger and fear in the past and breathe in gratitude for the New Year! There is always a new day to see the sunshine and be the change you wish to see with a smile! Namaste”.
Francine is one of my mentors and closest friends. She has experienced a lot of adversity in life and her integrity, courage and strength inspire me as I work on loving myself. We met on a Girl Scout trip in Europe in 2012. In 2020, Julie version 2 and Francine will be taking on Asia and I just know it will be the trip of a lifetime.
The flowers look beautiful in my kitchen; the wine and snacks are mostly gone; I had a good healing ugly cry and spent the last few hours of 2019 tucked in my cozy bed alone with my dreams of the future.
May the new year bring a new happy.
*I highly recommend “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by Lori Gottileb