A new beginning

Today I looked through my posts dating back to November 2017, thinking I might organize them into a story of my grief journey. In doing so, I realized I only had 2 entries over the 15 months since I retired. I could claim that I am too busy to write, but we all know that this is not possible when my favorite thing to do is nothing!

I’ve always loved to write, but I’m especially drawn in when I’m struggling with depression. Writing has been my greatest therapy in processing my extreme feelings of grief. It’s not that I’m over my grief. I will always miss Rick and the life we shared together. But time has brought me some peace and some hope and happiness.

A good friend noticed my happiness and she asked me when I had last been so happy. It didn’t take me long to think back to a weekend in December 2016 when I enjoyed an amazing weekend with Rick and my besties in San Francisco and Napa Valley. So it was over 5 years ago. Not so long ago, yet so much has happened in those 5 years.

In particular, a lot has happened in the 15 months since I retired. 

I’ve embraced the retirement life: sleeping as much as I want, traveling as much as I can, expanding my hobbies, and slowly working on my fitness and nutrition goals.

I received some closure on Rick’s accident when we mediated a resolution with the Workman’s Compensation Insurance company as well as the parties to the wrongful death lawsuit. The resolution didn’t bring me joy per se, but it brought relief and an end to a long wait. It didn’t bring justice, but it removed the threat of Rick’s competence being questioned in a courtroom. It also allowed the kids and I to have some additional financial security.

I started an LLC partnership in Rick’s honor. It’s called Real TYM and my investment allows my son to have an early start in home ownership and gives both of us an opportunity to be landlords and AirBNB hosts.  

I bought my forever home. The place I will spend the next 30-40 years, enjoying the fruits of my labor and making TYM for the most important people in my life.

And I met a guy – “the one”. Joe is devoted to his family and has a strong faith in God. We have similar interests in writing, Scrabble, football, and boating. I smile when I think of him and together we share lots of laughter. He has great respect for Rick and knows that he will never replace him in my life or the kids’. Early in our relationship I asked him to write about his ideal day. I had written about mine 2 years earlier. When we compared our writings, I knew he was part of God’s plan for me. I absolutely adore him.

This sounds like a fairy tale ending – my happily ever after. But I’d like to think of it as a new beginning.