Author: Julie

When Rick and I were engaged we met with our pastor in preparation for our wedding day.  I don’t think I took these counseling sessions very seriously.  I was ready to get married and this just seemed to be one of the required steps that we were obligated to take in order to seal the deal.  However there is one thing I clearly remember from those sessions.  The pastor asked each of us what we loved about each other.

Why in the world would he ask us that?   We were engaged – obviously we loved each other and why would we want to discuss it with a stranger.  (The head pastor was not available to marry us so this was an associate pastor that Rick and I didn’t really connect with).  Anyway, I honestly struggled with my answer.  I loved Rick but looking back I think at the time I was more in love with the idea of getting married.  I was so focused on my goal of finding a soul mate that I really had not considered what I truly loved about him.

Can you just know that you love someone and not be able to articulate it?  Or did I just need to take the TYM to organize my thoughts.  I’ve written in other posts about the difficulty we both had in verbally expressing our love for each other.  I express my thoughts so much better in writing.

About a month before Rick’s accident, Terry, a good friend and neighbor passed away at age 51 leaving my friend Amy a widow and her four boys without their dad.  Rick and I were at a wedding when we got the news and we just held each other grieving for a life that was taken to soon,  I have often thought about funerals and how loved ones come together to share with the grieving family how their loved one touched their life.  I’ve always been curious about what friends and family would say about me at my funeral.  After Terry’s funeral, I made a promise to myself that I would work on sharing with those that I love what I love about them.  I even wrote it in my planner.

I actually wrote down that I would write an obituary.  My intent was to write a mock eulogy as a way to fully express to Rick what I loved about him.  This is one thing on my long “To Do” list that I didn’t accomplish by the deadline.  Of course I had NO idea my deadline would be just a few weeks away.

When I wrote Rick’s eulogy the words flowed easily and with my thoughts on paper, I was able to verbally share my love for him at the funeral with confidence and conviction.

So 27 years later, I can answer my pastor’s question.  It took me long enough and I have shared with friends my fear that Rick didn’t know how much I loved him.  They have all assured me that he knows.  I am learning to trust that he indeed does know and this helps sustain me when I am overcome with grief.

For thirty years I have seen plenty of homeless people in Chicago on my walks to the office, to the bus or to the train. I’ve learned to walk by quickly, glancing away, avoiding eye contact. I have always been overwhelmed by the need and because I can’t possible help them all, my response has always been to help no one.

A good friend of mine has an incredible gift of connecting with people and ministering to others in need. She helped Rick see his importance to his family during his time of unemployment and she has helped me cope with the loss of my soulmate, first by speaking at his funeral and more recently by showing me how to offer hope to others.

This friend of mine, Susie runs a wonderful ministry called Wrapped in Love. I have always been fascinated by Susie’s incredible mission to provide comfort and hope to the homeless. When I shared with her how overwhelmed I was by the amount of homelessness I saw each day, I asked her how to decide who to help and how. Her answer was simple. She advised me to pray about it and to do what I could. Maybe one day it is sharing a 10 dollar McDonalds gift card and others days it will be something else I can do.

It has never been about how much to give. Rick was a very generous person and he has influenced me to be a gracious giver. I recently used some of the life insurance payout to make a large donation to Wrapped in Love. This should have made me feel better about walking past the faceless persons in need – but it didn’t.

I was scared. I wasn’t afraid of being hurt; I was afraid to really connect with a stranger. I’ve never been good at striking up a conversation with someone new – even at a cocktail party. I’m usually at a loss for words. Intimidated is probably the word that best describes my feelings when I am around someone I don’t know. And even though I don’t need to have a conversation with someone in need, I remain intimidated when it comes to stopping and seeing what they need. And its not just intimidation that makes me walk by; I admit that I sometimes make judgements about the person – Are they drunk? Are they crazy? Or the odor is so repulsive I walk faster.

My friend Susie is the epitome of friendly. She connects with strangers every day. She calls it drawing circles. She is constantly sharing her encounters – whether its a young frazzled mom in the grocery store that needs some encouragement or a scared teen needing the courage to escape from her pimp, or a group of teens bullying another teen, or a homeless father desperate to find a meal for his family, Susie is never afraid to connect and offer a prayer or words of encouragement or a backpack filled with toiletries, food and a blanket.

So as Susie suggested I prayed. And this Christmas I was compelled to join her on the streets of Chicago as she distributed backpacks to people living on the street. Being with Susie gave me the courage to interact with a number of persons in need. I knew it would take my mind off my own misery and help put things in perspective. What I didn’t know was how it would change my heart and how it would change the images of the faceless to real faces with names and stories.

Like Roland. When we approached him he shared in desperation how he had been raped at the shelter and had been sitting on the street all day and no one had stopped to help him. He was so grateful for what we gave him but asked for some cash for a room. Susie politely told him that we did not carry cash but we would pray with him. She offered Roland the chance to pray first and he very eloquently prayed about his sorrows and his needs. Susie prayed next and as she prayed a young man stood nearby politely waiting for us to finish our prayer before handing Roland a large bill. After we prayed we talked for a while and Roland pleaded with Susie’s 18 year old son to listen to his parents. He ran through a litany of mistakes he had made in life and how he could have avoided 20 years in jail if he had listened to his parents.

I could write for hours about our encounters. We gave out at least 100 backpacks. There was a man with a small shivering dog who asked for a second blanket and Susie miraculously found a blanket with a zipper pouch perfect for a small dog. There was a man who shared his dream to buy a Christmas present for his 17 year old son, tears streaming down his face. There was a young man who asked us to look for his wife and kitty a few blocks away. He told us to look for the most beautiful girl in the world. There was a man dressed as Santa asking for money to feed his 4 year old twin girls. We gave him 2 ten dollar McDonald gift cards.

There were other volunteers out and about distributing blessing bags, food, and shoes, particularly on lower Wacker Dr. where we encountered many large groups lined up along the concrete walls with their layers of blankets and makeshift chairs and other belongings.

The last story I want to share is the group we met under a viaduct standing in the sun. This group of men had their “homes” set up across the street but they were standing in the sunshine to get warm and perhaps to enjoy some rare Chicago sunshine. One of the men had the brightest bluest eyes and he reminded us of Frank Gallagher’s character in Shameless. He asked us a couple times how many candles were needed for Jesus’ birthday cake. He was really humored by his cleverness and his eyes glistened as he smiled with the kind of joy you would expect on Christmas Day.

At the end of the day we debriefed over tacos and we talked about the incredible obstacles the homeless face even at the shelters that should be a safe haven. Susie probably sensed how overwhelmed I felt after seeing the incredible need and she said – “What I do is put a bandaid on when stitches are needed”.

As Christmas 2017 has come to a close, I am blessed to be safe in my cozy bed in my condo by the lake, listening to music, sipping wine by candlelight and writing about my day while wrapped in a beautiful soft blanket I received for Christmas. I am wrapped in love.