Category: Uncategorized

A Tiny Love Story

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized

I recently came across a request for tiny love stories from the New York Times. The headline reads:

This is what I submitted. Will it get published?

THE FIRE IN YOUR EYES

A tiny spark grew to flames.

I proposed. You said yes. In 1992, we said “I do.”

As partners we created a family and a lifetime of dreams. God blessed us with a million magical moments and turned them into magical memories.

Beginning and ending each day with you and seeing the fire in your eyes was electric. How ironic that electricity took your life.

For 52 years you lived by your motto to “MakeTym”. You made time for your family, above all else. It’s been 18 months since you’ve been gone. While your legacy lives on, I miss the fire in your eyes.

Closer to Free

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized
https://youtu.be/uGLSU9j9K7U

Dear Rick,

It’s a cold snowy night in Chicago. It’s the kind of night where you just want to stay in by a warm fire with a home cooked meal, followed by a good movie while snuggled up on the couch with your love.

I watched Sleepless in Seattle and found myself wondering if love ever happens like that in real life. Probably not. I’ve been searching on Match.com for a second time. I’m not obsessed with reading all the profiles like I was before. And I no longer care about the rejections – most of the guys are fake anyway! It’s pretty time consuming and honestly, I’m learning to find joy in being single. Dating is supposed to be fun, but so far it’s not. Tonight, Jason, a realtor in Andersonville said he wanted to get together and when I suggested we meet for a drink he said it was to cold to go out. I think Jason wanted a house call – sorry Jason. Your loss.

So now I am listening to your favorite band, the BoDeans. It brings back memories of the times we saw them in concert and dancing at our wedding. Last weekend I met one of the former drummers and oh how I wished you were there to meet him! And guess what? They are playing in Oswego this summer. Two years too late, but still.

I want you to know that despite having a very rocky start to 2019, things are getting so much easier for me. After missing two paychecks, the government is back in business and I can go back to having more routine in my life. You of all people know how much I need something to get me out of bed in the morning. And the great therapist that had to drop me has figured out a solution with my insurance so I am getting back on track with her this week. And a dear friend has given me a financial gift that has eased my financial worries. God is answering my prayers Rick. I am so grateful.

Speaking of grateful….our friend Mary shared an idea that I have adopted. Each day, I post about someone that I am grateful for, while sharing what I love about them. I am 26 days in and I can’t explain how uplifting this has been for me. It is so healing to be able to focus on the incredible bounty of blessings in my life instead of dwelling on how much I miss the greatest blessing in my life. I don’t think 365 days will be enough to show my love to all the wonderful people in my life. What a great problem to have.

Tomorrow I will be supporting my friend Lisa. She too is now a young widow and it’s been a week of disbelief. Am I at an age where funerals are more common than weddings? As I have thought about Lisa this week, I reflected on Terry’s death 4 weeks before your accident. I remember how hard it was to see Amy in pain and how helpless I felt and how uncomfortable I was because I didn’t want to see her cry.

But now that I have been through such a heart wrenching loss, I have confidence in knowing what Lisa needs. I am thankful that I can be there for her tomorrow and in the days ahead as she struggles to adjust to a new normal. I am grateful that God can use me in this way; it’s part of the silver lining I suppose. It’s bittersweet for sure.

I’ve rambled on enough for now. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I am doing well and feeling closer to free.

I miss you,

Julie

My Dream

Posted on by Julie in Maketym, Retirement, Uncategorized

We didn’t have a specific plan for our future. But we had dreams.

When Erik showed an interest in being a chef, we thought it would be cool to run a restaurant. When we bought a timeshare in Maui, we thought it would be neat to spend winters in Hawaii. When I requested a transfer to Denver, we thought having a dream home in the foothills would be awesome. When his mom talked of downsizing, we thought about building a dream home perfect for two households.

But then you died and “we” became “me”.

I’ve always been a visionary and he was right by my side encouraging me and supporting me. He was so proud of my accomplishments. I remember when I was updating my resume one day and after reading it he looked at me in amazement and said “you have done some amazing shit.” I remember coming home from work one day, after learning I did not get the job I had been working toward my entire career. He calmed me down quickly and assured me things would get better.

Every day without his encouraging smile is hard; the last 22 have been unbearable. I’m on furlough from my job; my blood pressure is out of control; my therapist dropped me (insurance); there is a dispute with workman’s comp and Jeff and I broke up. Of course, if he were here I would feel better. I most likely would not be in therapy and I certainly would not be dealing with workman’s comp or the woes of dating.

But I still have dreams. As I near retirement I have been praying and journaling about a non-profit I wish to start. My vision is to have a commercial kitchen on wheels – a large scale food truck where I can prepare meals on a grand scale. My truck will show up at food pantries as families are picking up food for themselves and I will offer them a hot meal. My truck will find homeless men, women and families in need of soup and a sandwich. I will partner with rural churches and offer meals to families that are struggling to pay their utilities.

I will travel to all corners of the U.S. providing nourishment to those that need it. I anticipate being touched by the people I meet and enriched by the stories I hear. Surely I will write about my experiences.

My venture will be the perfect next step after a 33 year career in managing nutrition assistance programs at the USDA.

Maybe I will have a new partner in my life to share in this dream. (I hope so!) Or maybe this venture will lead me to him. Maybe I was only meant to have one love in my life. Regardless of how the story ends, my non-profit ministry, “Make TYM: Make Them Yummy Meals” will honor the man who always made time for others, especially me. And knowing he is proud will make this dream especially sweet.

JOY

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized

In the seventeen months since Rick’s death I have been searching for my happy ending.  I’ve been dating and have met someone special BUT distance and life issues mean the relationship is moving slower than I would like.  I am taking care of myself and getting in shape and I feel beautiful BUT losing weight is so hard.  I continue to decorate my dream home and enjoy entertaining in my new space BUT the loneliness is unbearable.  

I have everything going for me; BUT  I am not happy.  In fact I am more depressed than ever.  I’m sleeping too much and having crazy dreams.  A week ago I dreamt I was I was pregnant and counted back 7 months to happily realize that Rick was the father and then woke up realizing not only am I to old; but it has been 17 months, not 7.  It feels like 7 years.  

How do you find JOY when the joy you knew for 25 years is gone?

Today in church, Andy talked about JOY and he talked about humility.  He reminded me how humility – taking the focus off ourselves – can lead to JOY.  He spelled it out this way:  Put Jesus and Others before Yourself.  

It’s actually simple and while I know that I won’t find joy from the perfect date, the greatest new outfit or even in my gorgeous dining room, that is where I have been looking.  

So my goal over the next few weeks is to ask for Gods help in seeing others as more significant than myself and to look for ways to serve others.  I really enjoy participating in acts of service so I don’t anticipate this being very hard.  In fact, it is giving me something to look forward to – I might even wake up before the alarm tomorrow.

And I will continue to build my vision for Make Them Yummy Meals – a Maketym.org not for profit organization that I will form in 2019 and launch in 2020.  It will be the beginning of my happy ending.  

Do Epic Shit

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized

A few weeks ago I experienced my first Chicago marathon – from the comfort of the sidewalk in front of my new home. I watched in amazement as people of all shapes and sizes ran by in the rain with smiles on their faces. Granted it was only mile 8 but still. I was watching for my friend Holley who was running in her first marathon. Although I missed her in the sea of runners, I couldn’t help but marvel at the incredible goal she and others had set out to accomplish. And don’t even get me started on the ones who can run 26.2 miles in under 2 1/2 hours. That is some epic shit!

The picture with this post is from 2014. Our shirts say “Suck it up Buttercup”. My girlfriends and I did this 5K obstacle course and we had a blast. Holley is the one on the far left. This was the year I turned 50 and I decided to run 50K over the course of the year. It was a great goal and one I am proud to have accomplished but my running days are over, just like that phase in my life where I decided to be a brunette.  (I’m third from the right.)

Holley finished the marathon in under 6 hours despite twisting her ankle halfway through. I can’t imagine running for 6 hours, especially with the added pain of an injury. Our bodies are pretty amazing and my friend Holley is amazing for sure. What she did is EPIC.

For those of us that don’t run (or gave it up) it may be hard to understand why Holley and thousands like her would spend so much TYM training to pursue such an outrageous goal. I didn’t ask Holley why she did this but I imagine she would say the sense of accomplishment in reaching such an EPIC goal made all the hard work and sacrifice worth it. In my running days, I never experienced a “runner’s high” but I can imagine that crossing a finish line after running 26.2 miles would be a life altering experience.

Shortly after the marathon, I started a bible study. Our small group is reading the Circle Maker – Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears by Mark Batterson. Although I am only a few chapters in, I am learning a lot about prayer and becoming a better prayer warrior. I’ve learned that God wants us to pray boldly and with intensity. He wants us to take risks and to be specific and imagine the impossible.

God is answering my prayers and I’m learning to praise him for that even before the outcomes are revealed to me. (Stay tuned for a post on Dating 301 which I guarantee will be nothing like my Dating 101 and 201 woes.)

As I’ve practiced some new prayer skills, I have been listening to what God is calling me to do in this next chapter of my life. As this plan unfolds it is exciting to see how the seeds were planted many years ago, prior to Rick’s accident. Looking back, I can see how God has been revealing his plan to me over time and as I pray with boldness, the plan is becoming clearer…..and super exciting!

Although I am not ready to share the details, I will say that my future plan will honor Rick’s legacy to “MakeTym”.  And boy oh boy will it be EPIC!

 

Dating 201

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized

After a brief 8 week hiatus, I’m back to dating – or as one of Erik’s friends put it – back on the “prowl”.  LOL

This time I tried different sites. Not sure why I was expecting different results this time but I do have some humorous stories to share. Laughter does help.

I can easily spot the frauds. When I asked one guy if he was to good to be true he quickly responded that he was not going to continue the conversation if I thought he was not real.  He said he had verified his photos to avoid conversations like this!

Another guy claimed he could not Facetime because his iPhone was broken and he didn’t bring his computer on his business trip. Another claimed he moved to the US at age 4 but his accent was so heavy I could hardly understand him. And the one who used the name “Mason Jarle” didn’t get past hello.

A local guy seemed to be looking for a new mom for his young daughter. He wanted to exchange numbers right away and after I refused, he impatiently corresponded with me via the chat feature on OK Cupid. When I told him about Rick’s death he wanted to know where he was now.  Next.

My favorite is John from Chicago. We talked about going out to listen to some Blues music but he was very busy with a work project. I said okay, we can talk on the phone. He got angry saying he does not connect that way! Then he said he didn’t understand why I checked him out on Linkedin- he wanted to know why I cared about his business contacts! I reported him to OKCupid and he created a new profile with a different picture but the very same profile.  “I like wine and gin LOL”  I’ve reported him three times and today he reappeared with an added message.  “Please don’t report me just because I don’t answer your messages quickly enough” So I couldn’t help myself. I reported him again. He wasted my time so I’m going to waste his.

Another guy from Chicago responded “north side” when I asked what neighborhood he resided in. At least he was smart enough not to say east side. Then he asked me for a 50 dollar iTunes card. After a simple no he sent numerous messages begging me to help him before I could block him.

Stupidly, I thought “Luxy” would be a good site to try. It’s for the rich and beautiful and there is a process for users to verify identity and income. Funny how I mostly get messages from the ones that have skipped the verification process.  Besides the frauds using male model pictures, I get messages from guys the age of my children, saying how they love older women. One came right out and asked if I would be his sugar mama.

So, it’s time to move on to Dating 301.  I’m going to see where things go with Chip, a nice man I have been seeing for a couple of weeks. And I’m looking into a dating service where couples are matched based on mutual interests. It will require an investment but surely men who live in Turkey, using a model’s pictures are not going to pay the member fee when they can’t hide behind a computer.

Last night I had a great talk with one of Erik’s friends who told me about his mom, also a widow who is remarrying soon.  He assured me that I will find love again and until then, any creeps that I meet will be taken care of by him and Erik and the guys.  They have my back.

 

 

That hurt

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized

My feelings are hurt. And while I know it has nothing to do with me, it still hurts.

On Friday morning I was outside the DC airport and ran into several colleagues from our Western office. I had not seen them since working there in 2016. As we were walking and talking on our way to the entrance, a woman came face to face with me on the sidewalk and yelled, “Bitch, MOVE!” I was so shocked I didn’t say anything. In hindsight I wish I had apologized for being in her way and offered to buy her a cup of coffee. She clearly needed an act of kindness. It’s sad how a complete stranger’s comment keeps ringing in my ears three days later.

Last night I texted a “friend” to see how he was doing. It had been 2 months since we talked and at that time he had suggested we stay in touch. I did not indicate a desire to get together but he quickly texted back that while he was flattered to hear from me, he does not have feelings for me. Ouch. I know a little bit about his relationship history and assume that is what inspired his conceited and hurtful response, yet, it left me feeling really bad about myself.

And then there are the numerous unsolicited comments I’ve received from one individual over the past year. Comments that are filled with judgement over decisions I am making as I navigate life without Rick.  It is coming from a person that I love dearly, making it all the more difficult for me to respond to or ignore. I know this person does not intend to hurt me but that has been the effect.

These three situations are very different – they are coming from a complete stranger, an acquaintance and a family member. Yet I believe each of these individuals have something in common. They are hurting.

My good friend Susie is a very wise servant of God and she is always sharing her insights based on her life experiences. One of her posts from long ago resonated with me at the time and it certainly applies to my current situation. She said, “Hurting people hurt people”. I use this lesson to remind myself that it really isn’t about me. Knowing that the hurtful comments are coming from a place of pain does help ease the pain of hearing it. Yet, not entirely. Despite the therapy and counseling and coaching I have worked through over the past year, my self esteem is fragile, my heart is tender and hurtful comments bring me to tears even though my logical side is telling me, “It’s not about YOU”!!!!

I want it to be about ME!  I miss coming home from work and Rick asking me about my day. He genuinely wanted to know and he cared deeply about my happiness. I miss the acts of kindness he displayed – like doing my laundry, finding my favorite wine, rubbing my shoulders or just reassuring me when I was scared. He never missed an opportunity to tell me how proud he was of me. And he always kissed me goodnight. I really miss his kisses.

I’m hurting too. While I would not try to compare my pain to other’s, I do hope that I am not inadvertently using my pain to inflict hurt on others. Revengeful thoughts do enter my head and not acting on them takes strength and prayer. There is to much pain in our world and I would hate to be adding to it, especially with people I care about. For those that are hurting my prayer is that they find comfort – whether it is through faith in God, love from friends and family, or a really good therapist. I’ve been lucky to have all three.

It’s been said before but it’s worth repeating. Be Kind – For Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle.

 

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places

Posted on by Julie in Uncategorized

I’ve been taking a break from dating to work on myself.  Yeah, the idea was to find happiness and the rest will follow.  But honestly, dating is still on my mind 24/7.

As I’ve worked with my life coach on my “grief recovery”, I’ve been waiting for the right time to discuss a love interest (apart from Rick).  I don’t regret signing up for the program.  It is helping me bring closure to an amazing relationship that ended to soon.

I hired a personal trainer and did my hair and make up for our first session…just in case.

I took golf lessons,  because…men.  (But I did learn a lot and I’m pretty good.)

I’m spending to much money on clothing, facials, massage, manis, pedis, and hair appointments to be as attractive as I can.  It was nice to splurge but it’s time to get back on track with my budget.

I’m getting to know my neighbors but disappointed that the average age in my building is 70.  I’ve balanced that with new friends at my church where 80% of the members are in their 20s and 30s.  Where are all the 50 and 60 year olds?

I even gave up drinking to lose weight.  Ha!  Not really.  But I did cut back by subbing sparkling water in a wine glass with frozen grapes.  It’s not the same but my trainer is pretty proud.

All these changes have something in common.  They are all things I can control.  And while being in control benefitted me in finding my first love and in  enjoying a successful career as a government executive it’s not working for me in finding happiness in 2018.  If I am honest with myself, I know I am not really in control. God is.

I know this.  But do I really believe it?   Believing it means trusting that God is so great and so loving that only God truly knows what is best for me.  How can I let go of my expectations and trust that God is in control of my destiny?  I feel like a rebellious teenager wanting to do things MY way.

While my prayers have been to find a new love to retire with and grow old with, what if God’s has a different plan for me?  One that is better.  What if God’s plan is one where I am happy AND single.   Maybe some day I will be thanking God for unanswered prayers.

If you have been praying for me as I find my way without Rick by my side, please pray for my ability to let go of my need to be in control. Pray that I can let go and learn to trust in God’s plan for the next phase of my life journey.  I know that is a prayer that God will answer.  I believe.

AMEN

 

Tym Flies

Posted on by Annika Mikkelson in Uncategorized

I can’t believe It’s been one year without you, Dad. One year without the sound of your voice. One year without hour-long phone calls just to chat. One year without your sarcasm. One year without your advice and words of wisdom. One year without your never-ending stories. One year without hearing your smokers cough or loud snore. One year without the most loving, supportive and hardworking dad in the world.

July 11, 2017 was by far the worst day of my life. I watched my dad take his last breath and had to say my final goodbye to him. I have been dreading the first anniversary of his death for a while now. Somehow it all seems more final to me now that it has been a full year. We have had to celebrate holidays, birthdays and milestones without him here and that will become our new “normal”. Of course there will be many more milestones to face in the years to come but for me the one year mark has been the biggest obstacle to overcome so far.

It is amazing how one year can feel like the blink of an eye and a lifetime at the same time. The seasons have changed and we’ve started new traditions along the way. We’ve brought pieces of dad with us along the way and will continue to do so on our next adventures. I’ve had an especially difficult time in my grief since moving to a new state, away from the people who knew him best. It breaks my heart that my new neighbors and friends never had the pleasure of meeting the amazing man that I was lucky enough to call Dad.

It hasn’t gotten any easier, and my life will never really be the same. But I will always carry the memories I shared with him, the countless life lessons he taught me and honor his legacy of making tym for what is important. In this next year, I will talk about him more. I will share his compassion and friendliness with those around me. I will be a friend to everyone. I will make my dad proud. And I will make tym for the people and things I love.

I love you, Dad and I miss you more every day that passes.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad

Posted on by Annika Mikkelson in Uncategorized

One year ago I decided to drive home and surprise my dad for Father’s Day weekend. I’m so thankful I made the time to go home and spend the weekend with him. I didn’t know it at the time but it would be the last time I saw him before his accident.

When I got home Friday afternoon, my dad was napping in the basement. I started to walk down the stairs and he goes “how was the drive Annika?” He was a very difficult person to surprise. Just like he always predicted the ending of movies 5 minutes in, he always saw a surprise coming. However, I was able to surprise my mom and when she didn’t believe I was actually home, we sent her a selfie to prove it.

I have been dreading Father’s Day for the past 11 months and although I knew it was coming, I was still overcome with heartache and pain waking up this morning. We never did anything grand and extravagant for Father’s Day, but that’s not how my dad wanted to spend his day. He was happiest just grilling out, fishing and spending time with his family and if he got a round of golf in that morning, he was even happier! I let myself have an hour (or two) to cry and sulk this morning but I want to spend the rest of the day how my dad would want me to, celebrating him and all the wonderful memories I shared with him.

Today, I’m grateful to have had the most amazing dad anyone could ask for. I’m grateful he was able to see me graduate high school and college. I’m grateful he was there to send me off to Homecoming dances and Proms. I’m grateful to have spent numerous Daddy-Daughter dances with him (even when I spent the whole night playing with my friends while he talked with the other dads). I’m grateful for all the fabulous family vacations we took over the years, especially Hawaii. I’m grateful for all the trips he took to Ames when I was feeling homesick. I’m grateful for the phone calls and advice whenever I needed reassurance or a friendly voice. I’m grateful he was able to meet the love of my life, Nic. Most of all, I’m grateful for his endless support and unconditional love.

Happy Father’s Day to all the wonderful dads out there, but especially mine. I love you, Dad.